Heartbreaking Loss

We've had a very sad few days at our house this week.

Monday, we had to say good-bye to our buddy, Roman.

It had been inevitable over the past couple of months that our days with him were winding down. He had arthritis (or maybe even bone cancer) so bad that it was becoming really difficult for him to get around. Standing up, sitting down and walking were becoming such a struggle, although he never complained or cried. Each day and week were getting progressively harder on him and last Friday, Tony made the decision that it was time. He made an appointment for Monday morning at 11:30. We had the weekend to spend with him, knowing we were down to a couple of days. That was good, but it made us REALLY dread Monday coming. I went into work Monday and then came home around 10:30. It was such a tough morning.

Leaving the house with him was probably half of the battle. It was so hard to walk him out the door, put him in the car and know where we were going. We spent about a half hour in a room with him waiting, which was nice quality time, but also so very sad. The vet was so caring and sympathetic. They gave us as much time as we needed with him. Both Tony and I layed on the floor with him as they gave him something to first make him go to sleep. He did, very peacefully. After we spent a little more time with him, they came back in and gave him the final shot and within a couple of minutes, he was gone.

It was gut-wrenching to go through this and to leave the vet with just his collar and leash. Sometimes I wonder why we put ourselves through this - it's just about the worse thing to have to do. We had one more very difficult task for the day, which was to tell Hannah. We brought her home from daycare and sat her on the couch to have a talk. I asked her if she remembered how Roman's legs weren't working so good and he was feeling hurt all the time. She said yes, then I said, "well, today his legs stopped working and he went to Heaven to be with Jesus". The second I said that, she burried her face in the couch and started sobbing. All three of us were crying so hard - it lasted for a good 10-15 minutes. She asked to go to her bed and after a little while, I went up to check on her and she just kept saying, "my Roman buddy". Later she said she didn't want to share her dog with anyone else in heaven and asked if he'd be coming back in a few days. I had to explain that once he goes to heaven, he doesn't come back to live at our house. It was so, so sad. That night, it was just very empty at the house.

Tuesday was also hard and it became clear that this is now affecting Cody too. He's so depressed that he just layed his head down as we left in the morning without making a sound. Usually he barks and runs around like a mad-dog. He was like glue to us all evening. Today, he seemed sad too. As I was looking through pictures tonight, I found so many of Roman and Cody laying together. I sort of forgot just how close they really were to each other. No wonder he's so sad - he's never been without Roman.

It's going to take us all some time to figure out what the new normal is around our house. Hannah asks questions so far every day and tells Jesus to take care of her Roman Buddy each night when she says her prayers.

Here's a few pictures of our beloved buddy:

Spring of 2005 - he loved to lay in the grass and feel the sun. He seemed so big back then, compared to more recently.

He loved to lay on our bed to cuddle - Cody's actually on the other side making a daddy sandwich!

Here they are laying on our bed again together. If you can see closely, Roman has his "baby" in front of him. He carried that thing for probably 2-3 years!!! I stitched and sewed it back together a million times before it finally was just about shreds! He was so gentle, loving and kind!

Here he is laying on "his bed" looking out his window - this was his favorite spot!

He used to sit in Hannah's room before she was born - he was her protector from the beginning!

Here they are after an afternoon picnic last summer

And she had a tea party with him a few months ago

This was from just a couple of weeks ago when he was outside with Hannah and I in the sun and pool.

And this was from this past Monday morning....his last day in the grass and sun....I'm so glad he doesn't hurt anymore though. I'm sure he's being a loving buddy to lots of lucky people in heaven now.

Thank you Roman, for the many years of joy you brought to our family....we'll miss you!!!!